I was lucky enough to attend the training for the Art of Determining Self Facilitation at the Te Moata Retreat in Coromandel earlier in the year with a scholarship through DRIVE. I had been to a WRAP Facilitation course with Stephen Pocklington (the main facilitator from America) a few years earlier and found him so inspirational that when I found out about the course I just HAD to attend.

It’s really hard to put into words what a magical, amazing experience it was. Apart from getting to know the other participants, staff and facilitators and forming friendships, there were a couple of things that really stood out for me.

At the course we were able to come and go as we pleased, lie on the floor, not even turn up if we wanted to be elsewhere – whatever it took for us to be comfortable. I am one of those people that love structure and being busy, so one big learning was when on the last day someone that I thought had been asleep most of the time, summarized the whole thing with real insight. Stephen also has a special way about him that is quiet but confident which was wonderful to watch and learn from.

We did loads of role plays allowing us to practice the skills of listening and not trying to fix or advise. It’s harder than it sounds but when you finally stop all the self-talk, assumptions, and don’t dwell on “the problem” it allows a real sense of actually completely ‘being’ with the person. We learnt to sit with the discomfort of not being able to help but instead be honest and authentic.

Stephen told us the well known Cherokee story about the two wolves (below) but it was the extended version which I had never heard before. It says that you actually need to feed both wolves. I really liked this story as I was always trying to chase away those evil thoughts, usually the one that I’m not good enough. Now I can just relax and be with them and have learnt that they will soon go away. Stephen had a saying – “invite them in for a cup of tea”.
Some incredible things happened at Te Moata. We all grew and got to know ourselves and each other better.

Finally, I can’t forget to mention the food!! It was all vegetarian, organic and the most delicious food I have ever tried. There was a bit of grumbling from some about not having meat, but they too were soon converted!
I hope that this learning will stay with me forever as I know that it makes me a better Peer, Friend, Wife, Mother and Person.

Helen Crowe

Story of two Wolves
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. ”It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?” You might heard the story ends like this: The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.” In the Cherokee world, however, the story ends this way:

The old Cherokee simply replied, “If you feed them right, they both win.” and the story goes on:
“You see, if I only choose to feed the white wolf, the black one will be hiding around every corner waiting for me to become distracted or weak and jump to get the attention he craves. He will always be angry and always fighting the white wolf. But if I acknowledge him, he is happy and the white wolf is happy and we all win.

For the black wolf has many qualities – tenacity, courage, fearlessness, strong-willed and great strategic thinking – that I have need of at times and that the white wolf lacks. But the white wolf has compassion, caring, strength and the ability to recognize what is in the best interest of all.

“You see, son, the white wolf needs the black wolf at his side. To feed only one would starve the other and they will become uncontrollable. To feed and care for both means they will serve you well and do nothing that is not a part of something greater, something good, something of life. Feed them both and there will be no more internal struggle for your attention. And when there is no battle inside, you can listen to the voices of deeper knowing that will guide you in choosing what is right in every circumstance. Peace, my son, is the Cherokee mission in life. A man or a woman who has peace inside has everything. A man or a woman who is pulled apart by the war inside him or her has nothing.

“How you choose to interact with the opposing forces within you will determine your life. Starve one or the other or guide them both.”

–Cherokee Story